The Solitary Reaper!!!!
Loneliness: this is one word most students who come to study abroad are confronted with, at least at some phases of their student lives. I am no exception. Well I also believe that that being independent and being lonely are two different things, but if you look more closely it only looks like that one form is just the other form in disguise; loneliness a by-product of Independence. Rather, to put in a different way, loneliness is the price one pays for the independence one enjoys. (I only hope that the student fraternity studying abroad will agree).
I love my independence, I truly appreciate the peace and the freedom and all the other good things that comes along with it, with no one around to poke their noses into my business. However, if it would only signify that independence is a package with great fun and a much greater responsibility but with no (one to) care and concern? It really makes me wonder if I would want to one of such package (can’t speculate more).
Room and office – are the two worlds I divide my time in between, these days. Life has become primitive, zero socialising, to work, to eat and to sleep. Perhaps the primitive man had more recreation in his life, rather than just doing one of these three above mention primeval tasks. But there are ways in which one could keep oneself occupied, well I have tried and am still in the process of trying some of them, but only under the condition that if time permits you. But some times loneliness haunts our lives beyond the fact of time being available and unavailable; it is around even if you are busy, at those unavoidable moments of life.
Life really changed after my arrival in Germany. It was indeed a learning experience, irrespective of academics. Independence and Loneliness (they are bi ovular non identical twins, a strange pair of Siamese Twins because one comes with another) have taught me lessons for life, but at what cost one learns these lessons, would be another question; because experience and hurt are not the only prices one pays for such lessons.
Friendship could be a good substitute, but… there is a bigger “BUT” (no excuses for perverts, I say!!!) to it. Friendship, one experiences, living abroad is a little different from what it is back home. It gives more, expects more and demands more. It is some times so difficult to draw a line, be what ever the issue. It is worse when one isn’t matured enough it play it right, one might end up burning his fingers in the process of making friends.
However, a lot of us manage to put up with loneliness, each of us in our own different ways, in our own capacity to fight it. Movies, Music, Painting, Cooking, Jogging, Chatting , Surfing, not to forget Orkutting off late, etc etc…..some times we even resort to Studying and Working, to kill the time, one is forced to do strange things, right?
In spite of all this, eyes still wells up when you witness a family in public place, or a family celebration or some times even something as common as a mom and a daughter having a conversation, and loads of other things that reminds you of home and loved ones back home. There have been times when I have regretted the arrival of weekends, belittled it. Not knowing what to do for two days.... Those unwished birthdays, ungathered parties, abandoned festivities, lonesome dinners when you complained to cook because you had no company, those contemplations you ended up having due to loss of a friend, those depression which were a product of such contemplations, those languid strolls that you took through the deserted streets of Germany (for that matter anywhere outside home), those forsaken dark winter nights that looms at you like ghosts, those desolate evenings you sat expecting your phone to ring, days when family or a friend made your day just because they called you, those detached days when nostalgia took you over leaving your eyes misty, and the days you imagined yourself as the solitary reaper (in the words of Wordsworth) working in the field all by yourself, and all the other weird things you did to win the battle. Alas, the decision was ours and so were the deeds which followed our decisions, so, we are their only fruit bearers and we have to see the Loneliness through. We have very little choice but to live and grow up with it. One can learn a world and forget the least with it. So, what did your Loneliness teach you (today)?????
I love my independence, I truly appreciate the peace and the freedom and all the other good things that comes along with it, with no one around to poke their noses into my business. However, if it would only signify that independence is a package with great fun and a much greater responsibility but with no (one to) care and concern? It really makes me wonder if I would want to one of such package (can’t speculate more).
Room and office – are the two worlds I divide my time in between, these days. Life has become primitive, zero socialising, to work, to eat and to sleep. Perhaps the primitive man had more recreation in his life, rather than just doing one of these three above mention primeval tasks. But there are ways in which one could keep oneself occupied, well I have tried and am still in the process of trying some of them, but only under the condition that if time permits you. But some times loneliness haunts our lives beyond the fact of time being available and unavailable; it is around even if you are busy, at those unavoidable moments of life.
Life really changed after my arrival in Germany. It was indeed a learning experience, irrespective of academics. Independence and Loneliness (they are bi ovular non identical twins, a strange pair of Siamese Twins because one comes with another) have taught me lessons for life, but at what cost one learns these lessons, would be another question; because experience and hurt are not the only prices one pays for such lessons.
Friendship could be a good substitute, but… there is a bigger “BUT” (no excuses for perverts, I say!!!) to it. Friendship, one experiences, living abroad is a little different from what it is back home. It gives more, expects more and demands more. It is some times so difficult to draw a line, be what ever the issue. It is worse when one isn’t matured enough it play it right, one might end up burning his fingers in the process of making friends.
However, a lot of us manage to put up with loneliness, each of us in our own different ways, in our own capacity to fight it. Movies, Music, Painting, Cooking, Jogging, Chatting , Surfing, not to forget Orkutting off late, etc etc…..some times we even resort to Studying and Working, to kill the time, one is forced to do strange things, right?
In spite of all this, eyes still wells up when you witness a family in public place, or a family celebration or some times even something as common as a mom and a daughter having a conversation, and loads of other things that reminds you of home and loved ones back home. There have been times when I have regretted the arrival of weekends, belittled it. Not knowing what to do for two days.... Those unwished birthdays, ungathered parties, abandoned festivities, lonesome dinners when you complained to cook because you had no company, those contemplations you ended up having due to loss of a friend, those depression which were a product of such contemplations, those languid strolls that you took through the deserted streets of Germany (for that matter anywhere outside home), those forsaken dark winter nights that looms at you like ghosts, those desolate evenings you sat expecting your phone to ring, days when family or a friend made your day just because they called you, those detached days when nostalgia took you over leaving your eyes misty, and the days you imagined yourself as the solitary reaper (in the words of Wordsworth) working in the field all by yourself, and all the other weird things you did to win the battle. Alas, the decision was ours and so were the deeds which followed our decisions, so, we are their only fruit bearers and we have to see the Loneliness through. We have very little choice but to live and grow up with it. One can learn a world and forget the least with it. So, what did your Loneliness teach you (today)?????
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aur apna khayal rakho...
danny